you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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