OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
