So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
