Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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