i think my mom watched the whole time
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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