Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
