If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
