margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize