i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
