You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
