i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
