i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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