i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
