Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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