love makes seman taste better
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
