awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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