Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
