i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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