i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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