I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
