WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
