I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
