based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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