Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
