I can text with my tongue
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
