I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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