I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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