I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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