Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
