I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
