Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
