Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So vagazzling was a success
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
