All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
