so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
