thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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