Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
