I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
