literally had 100 drinks last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
