I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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