i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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