Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
