The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
