how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
