I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
