Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
