Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
