I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
