Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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