Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
