So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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