Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
