If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
