im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A bitchslap is in order.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
