just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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