Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
