if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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