He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
