Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize