He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
