you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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