Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
