the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
