His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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