We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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