So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
